Having another child

I picked Jack up from daycare and one of his teachers approached me.  "Guess what the conversation at lunch was?" she says with a grin.

I freeze.  Being a teacher I know that children often repeat or tells stories that would make parents cringed with embarrassment.  Suddenly the roles were reversed.  What had my chatterbox of a son revealed?

His teacher continues as I brace for the worst. "The topic at lunch was how many brothers and sisters everybody had.  Jack said he wanted a brother like Saad (who is Jack's best bud at school) AND a sister."

I chuckle at my son's wishes and requests because at the moment I am sure he thinks we could just go and buy a new sibling for him at the brother and sister store.

What Jack doesn't know is that Bryan and I have been thinking about expanding our family from three to four.

Now we weren't always sure if we wanted another child.  After having Jack it amazed me how quickly people were to say, "Congratulations!" but then in their next breath, "When are you going to have another?"

At that time we were getting an average of two hours a night of sleep and our thought was one was definitely enough!  But time passed, the sleepless nights, constant feeding and  the changing of diapers faded into a distant memory and the discussion of having another child was brought up.

When we were ready to talk about having another we both agreed that we wanted to space them out a bit.  Ideally about 4 years.  One factor was it gave me time to finish my masters.  I already took 2 years off when we had Jack and knew for mine and my family's sanity, I needed to finish my degree before having another child.

Well that 4 year mark is now upon us, and even though I know having a sibling for Jack will be a wondrous thing.  I have moments where I get cold feet.

Here are some of my worries:

I will miss our small manageable family of three.  We can get up and go on day-trips and they are normally a very enjoyable stress-free event.


Being completely exhausted again.  Don't get me wrong I am not well rested now.  I have continuous circles under my eyes and don't think those will ever go away; but the mental exhausted of having a newborn?  Am I ready for that?  I survived it once, but now I could potentially have a 4 year old vying for my attention which means there definitely will not be time to sleep when the baby sleeps.

But perhaps my greatest fear is, do I have enough love in my heart to give for another child?  The love I have for my son is so deep and true.  I know I will love the child, but will I love him or her equally?  I don't want to play favorites and I know parents always say, "You all are my favorites."  But do they really mean it?  As a teacher I have students who I 'click with' more so than others, but I never let it show.  What if I 'clicked' with one of my children more so then the other?  Would they be able to tell?

Deep down I know giving Jack a sibling will be one of the greatest gifts we could give him.  Sure, I think he would be happy as an only child.  He would want for nothing and have the undivided attention of both parents.  But I think about as he gets older and as we get older.  I don't want him to have to worry about taking care of his parents or making big decisions alone.

Plus, I know he would make a fabulous big brother.  And really how can I deny his possible future sibling from an awesome big brother?